Mommy 39

Back in the Baby Business

Babies are a blessing and they smell good but there is so much preparation and energy that comes with this wonderful gift. First of all, if you’re like me and have a huge age gap between the first and second-15 years, you have the opportunity to pretty much raise two children from two different generations. For instance, my first was born in 1999 during the Y2K phenomena and the next one is due in 2015. So many things have changed from 1999 to 2015 like car seats and pacifiers (some you can squeeze food through i.e.: bananas). Organic food choices are more accessible and more ways to manufacture from home.

Aside from the technological advances and creative “new” parenting aspects, we have to address the mindset of older parents. Becoming a mother again at 39 is challenging on the body and mind. At 39, you have concerns that were not present 15 years prior. The medical community will kindly place you in the “high risk and elderly” category. If you didn't already feel old, you will after leaving that first pre-natal appointment. Overall, I’m pretty healthy, hardly ever catch colds and occasionally suffer from seasonal allergies. However, with this pregnancy, I have felt every symptom ten times more than I did the first time around. The bodily functions are more exaggerated like flatulence and aching breasts and I don’t have any shame when I let loose or go bra-less. I have never felt so liberated! On top of all of this, the doctors strongly recommend genetic testing. I guess for some it gives the option to discontinue the pregnancy if certain genetic markers are found. For us, it didn't matter what the tests revealed, we were prepared to take the pregnancy full term.

The approach with the second pregnancy felt more routine, with no surprises. With our first, the sex wasn't known until the birth. We literally, came up with a set of names for both sexes the night before giving birth. With this pregnancy, we wanted to know the sex right away. I guess knowing the sex did make it easier to decide on a name by eliminating one of the sexes. With our first, I didn't consider the name as factor leading to discrimination. We choose a name and meaning that we liked not really projecting what the future would/could entail. Post September 11^th attacks, we had to consider if the Arabic name we have chosen will have any undue repercussions. We all get questioned about our heritage but I think our newest offspring will endure more questions and assumptions. We decided to keep our Arabic name and like our first child, this child will be taught to be a proud citizen no matter what.

Is He or Isn't He?

Over the past few days, I've been reading status updates, tweets and overhearing some good ole conversations. The one commonality between each was the topic of men and how they were treating each of these particular women. The question is, why is it allowed? How did we arrive to the point of allowing someone else to steal our joy?  I think we believe that this person is for us, and therefore, we believe and lean on everyone word or thought he (she) may have about our realities and character. With this said, we slowly began a process of dependence (mentally) and we put our joy and mental health in the hands of someone who may not have/had good and honest intentions about our well-being or future. We shut out our family and friends (some of whom saw the writing on the wall before us) and the only reality were are allowed or told to rely upon is that of the person dictating the how and what we should be or shouldn't be. Again, the question, is he or isn't he the right one for me? The answer requires a complete honest conversation with the self and perhaps a detachment from the dictator of your reality. Listen to that inner voice; it's the one that loves you:) 

Customer Service

Question: What do you do when you receive unsatisfactory customer service? Do you leave comments on Facebook Pages, call owner, write a letter?? How are you advocating for yourself?

Student Loan Debt

I recently read a few articles regarding student loan debt. The articles supported arguments for all angles of the issue: Legislation, Creditors and Lenders, Educational Institutions, Parental Guidance and Student Responsibility. I am at a point where I can argue from at least two perspectives. For those of you that can relate to this issue please share your thoughts. Who is the responsible party for student debt? Factor in tuition, books, living expenses, credit card companies, banks, universities. Do you have any solutions or suggestions?

Passion

Passion is that inner spark that ignites the moment you wake up and drives you to fulfill your purpose of living for that day. I have a lot of passions. I am passionate about life, goals and love. Passion is what makes me think I can save the world and I put forth every ounce of energy to fulfill that desire. I am even passionate about the passions of others and do what I can to help others fulfill their passions. I can’t think of a time when I didn’t have a passion. I firmly believe that without a passion you will be an unhappy individual. It saddens me when I meet someone who is passionless and I wonder how he or she goes about life. It is easy to lose or put a passion on the back burner. Sometimes life happens and we have to do what is needed to make a living. It is never too late to rediscover your passions. The sooner, the better!

What's your passion?

The Dash

What’s Your Story?

An email circulated a few years ago referring to the “dash”. The question was: What will your dash say about you? The “dash” represents your life’s journey from birth to death (b.1900-2000). I know this sounds morbid but it is an important and natural process each of us will be confronted with at some point in our lives. I remember attending a funeral on my daughter’s side of the family. I was so amazed by this woman’s life that I strived to be just like her. I had only met her a few times at various family functions and our conversations were casual. However, it was during her funeral service that I learned so much more about her life and what she meant to her children and to her community. I was so amazed at the love her children each had and the level of her community involvement. That is when the “dash” became something significant in my life. From that day forward I strived to be like my daughter’s great-grandmother and so much more. I was inspired by someone else’s “dash” and now, I wonder, how to give the “dash” more significance before the journey ends?

My daughter brought these questions to me last night, as she regretted not knowing her recently deceased grandmother very well. She would have liked one more conversation because she didn’t feel as though she knew enough about her grandmother’s life. Which brings me to my next question, how do we reconcile the generational gaps? The obvious solution is of course, better communication.

I would like to propose that each family begins to document something every year about their family and collect stories from the elders. The wisdom and life experience from our elders can go along way. I would include home remedies, funny stories, sad stories, births, deaths and accomplishments. I don’t believe you have to be famous or come from a world of wealth in order to share your family’s story. Every family and story is unique and deserves to be cherished before the “dash” ends. 

Pleasurable and Enlightening

I recently read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. Initial reactions to the title often imply the obvious sexual connotations. On the contrast, sex is the last thing the book focuses on. Middlesex depicts the journey of three generations of families of Greek descent. The book also illustrated historical moments that took place in the 1960s during Civil Rights Movement. The author utilized an omniscient narrator who is able to relay details of the lives of the characters in an objective manner. The intricacies of each love affair are questionable to the modern audience, however the author wove the details in a unique style that prevents the reader from being judgmental. Middlesex is a story every human can relate to because the story illustrates the human condition and the need to belong and feel included in our families and society.