Mommy 39

Back in the Baby Business

Babies are a blessing and they smell good but there is so much preparation and energy that comes with this wonderful gift. First of all, if you’re like me and have a huge age gap between the first and second-15 years, you have the opportunity to pretty much raise two children from two different generations. For instance, my first was born in 1999 during the Y2K phenomena and the next one is due in 2015. So many things have changed from 1999 to 2015 like car seats and pacifiers (some you can squeeze food through i.e.: bananas). Organic food choices are more accessible and more ways to manufacture from home.

Aside from the technological advances and creative “new” parenting aspects, we have to address the mindset of older parents. Becoming a mother again at 39 is challenging on the body and mind. At 39, you have concerns that were not present 15 years prior. The medical community will kindly place you in the “high risk and elderly” category. If you didn't already feel old, you will after leaving that first pre-natal appointment. Overall, I’m pretty healthy, hardly ever catch colds and occasionally suffer from seasonal allergies. However, with this pregnancy, I have felt every symptom ten times more than I did the first time around. The bodily functions are more exaggerated like flatulence and aching breasts and I don’t have any shame when I let loose or go bra-less. I have never felt so liberated! On top of all of this, the doctors strongly recommend genetic testing. I guess for some it gives the option to discontinue the pregnancy if certain genetic markers are found. For us, it didn't matter what the tests revealed, we were prepared to take the pregnancy full term.

The approach with the second pregnancy felt more routine, with no surprises. With our first, the sex wasn't known until the birth. We literally, came up with a set of names for both sexes the night before giving birth. With this pregnancy, we wanted to know the sex right away. I guess knowing the sex did make it easier to decide on a name by eliminating one of the sexes. With our first, I didn't consider the name as factor leading to discrimination. We choose a name and meaning that we liked not really projecting what the future would/could entail. Post September 11^th attacks, we had to consider if the Arabic name we have chosen will have any undue repercussions. We all get questioned about our heritage but I think our newest offspring will endure more questions and assumptions. We decided to keep our Arabic name and like our first child, this child will be taught to be a proud citizen no matter what.

RELAX RELATE RELEASE

Relax, Relate, Release!  Some of you may recall that phrase from a popular 90’s television sitcom called, A Different World. Television sitcoms are rarely a source of vital information, however the phrase, “relax, relate, release” is very applicable. The phrase not only puts a smile on my face but it also brings me back to the essence of me. Relax, relate, release, is synonymous to “wooosaaaw”. Both phrases are intended to calm the mind, body, and spirit. In order for you to feel this sense of rejuvenation, you need to focus completely and mean what you say. Whether, you are the “woooosaw” or “relax, relate, release” type, focus is important. 


Let’s begin with a simple definition of each term: Encarta Online Dictionary:

Relax: To become or make somebody less anxious, hostile, defensive. (Get it together)

Relate: To understand and respond favorably to something, or feel that it has a personal meaning or relevance. (Self-examination)

Release: The removal of something that makes somebody feel trapped, restricted, or burdened. (Let it Go, Part Ways, Give it Up, Move On, Get to Steppin’)

For me, the process usually goes something like this…First, I relax with a deep breath; get a hold of myself usually telling myself to “be quiet, don’t react” until I am 100% clear on the information or situation before me. Next, I “relate” the information/situation and attempt to understand and process the situation. Lastly, I attempt to let it go. My attempt to letting it go arrives after I have mentally brainstormed a solution/resolution that I am comfortable with, and that’s when I let it go! As you can see, I still need to work on the last phase. Great news, I am aware of what I can fix versus what I can’t control. And that my friend is a step in a positive direction for good mental health:)  

            

What formula, phrase, quote or process would you like to share? Whether you are applying it or not, please shareJ Remember, sharing is caring J

Hard Rock or a Gem?

“Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem…”  the lyrics from  Doo Wop (That Thing) circa 1999 by Lauryn Hill.

I’ve heard the song at least, a million times, but today I LISTENED and HEARD the lyrics! The song hit hard because I have been searching for avenues to translate that same message of respect to my pre-teen daughter. As a mother, I like to believe that I have been a great example for her to learn from but now I’m in competition with at least ten other know-it-alls, aka- “Friends”. As much as we want to help navigate and foster independence and a healthy self-esteem, we must first to start with the self. Getting to know the self is a continuous, life-long journey. I stress a focus on the self because I am guilty of not always feeling so great about myself or the situations I have allowed to create chaos in my life. As I listened to That Thing, I not only thought about myself but all the other women out there Lauryn Hill described and couldn’t help, but wonder what is it going to take for the message to sink in? I know a young lady who’s been dating this guy and he has done nothing but bring her down mentally and financially. Unfortunately, she is not the only one in that particular situation. Of course, we have our friends who try to tell us our value and worth but we still misinterpret the evidence and believe that concocted story in our minds, “He’s going to change” or “He loves me or he wouldn’t stick around”. The only change that needs to take place is the direction of your "compass of self-esteem". When will we allow ourselves to be treated like a gem and not a hard rock? How many crashes against the brick wall?

The great thing is, realizing the problem and formulating a solution and allowing the solution to play out in your life. Overall, I have landed on my feet and I only hope that my daughter learns from my successes as well as my failures. Hopefully, before some of us became parents, we had some clue as to where we were headed, or at least, somewhat close to our personal goals. If not, all is not lost and hopefully you are okay with making minor adjustments (an understatement in the world of parenting). 

We owe it to all girls to represent ourselves as true gems!

Go and be Gem-nastic!